March 7, 2008 Hangovers

We’ve all been there. Most of the time they’re awful, some of the time they’re actually pretty interesting. There are all sorts of hangovers. There’s the vegetable hangover, when you’re basically useless to the world and can only sit in one spot and recover. There’s the basic headache hangover, and there’s the “I feel like I’m on illegal drugs, but I’m not and it’s only alcohol so I don’t have a guilty conscience” hangover. This is the one I most commonly get. I might have to consider myself fortunate. I almost never get headaches; I just get some serious low blood pressure, so I feel like I’m kind of spacey and floating around all day. I don’t know if any of you have ever taken Percocet for anything, but it’s basically like that. Be jealous, it’s ok.

What interests me most about hangovers is our ability to quickly forget what they feel like. As a little kid, when you touch the hot stove, the next time you’re near it, you remember, “Oh hey, that hurt like a sonofabitch, I’m not going to touch that again.” But as adults, when we get hangovers, we always go back to them. It’s as if we are children again but with the memory of a goldfish. “Ow, damn that’s hot . . . let’s try again, shit! That was REALLY hot . . . but maybe . . . jesus, that’s hot. One more try . . . Damn! That stove is really hot! Nobody touch the stove, it’s really hot! But maybe if I try one more time . . .” Nope, we never learn. You think we’d catch on quicker or something.

The absolute best part is when we sit there and think/say, “I’m never drinking again.” We’ve all said it. We’ve all been there before. And did you drink again? Yes you did, and it was usually just a few days later. Then it happens again, and you swear someone broke into your room and went DeNiro all over your ass with a Louisville Slugger.

Though, if you play your cards right, hangovers can be the best thing in the world. Wake up, feeling hungover? Grab another beer. Pop a little whiskey in that coffee. Not only will you lose the hangover, you’ll catch yourself a hefty little buzz pretty quick. Cheap, easy, boom goes the dynamite. Call me on Sunday, I’ll let you know what stage I’m at.

Song of the Week: “False Idols Fall” by Comeback Kid.

Quote of the Week: Please refer to the picture.

Random Fact of the Week: Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Picture of the Week: Are you kidding me? THAT was what tipped you off?!

Until next week, what’s the worst that could happen,


Fred