March 14, 2008 Ridiculous News Stories

I originally had another topic planned and ready to go for today, but the stars aligned this week and God/Allah/Buddha/whatever PC stuff you can get away with calling a religious deity slapped this one on me: “Woman sits on boyfriend’s toilet for two years.”

Two years?! Something like that just boggles my mind. I’ve had a better time understanding the intricacies of nuclear fission than I’ve had trying to comprehend how someone could sit on a toilet for two years. I mean, if I’m on it for more than 10 minutes my legs start to tingle.

Something else to consider: This couple had been dating for 16 years, two of those were spent with her on the toilet. Wouldn’t he want to jump in earlier noticing the lack of quality time spent together? What do they do for anniversaries? No more dinner and movie dates? Things to ponder. Oh, and on a small unimportant side note . . . there’s no more sex life! Two years of that? Does that not strike you as weird? Maybe a red flag pops up here and there? Nah dude, that’s normal. Seeing that they live in Kansas, I’m sure he found some alternatives. I heard his sister lived down the street. Maybe there was a farm nearby with some farm animals too. Maybe I’m just really optimistic for the guy.

There are just so many things with that story that could be commented on. What the hell do you do in a bathroom for two years? (Aside from the obvious). How do you bathe? (Yes she’s in a bathroom, but she can’t use the shower because she was actually STUCK to the toilet; her skin legitimately grew around the toilet seat). I apologize if your breakfast is now on your keyboard after that one.

This just goes to show that women really do spend more time in the bathroom than men.


Song of the Week: “Zeppelin” by The Jonbenet

Quote of the Week: “Not working is so much better than working.” – Brian. In the words of a friend, “Simple, yet profound.”

Random Fact of the Week: Sitting on a toilet for two years is not a good idea. Your legs will become atrophied and your skin will grow around the seat.

Picture of the Week: guys, take note

Until next week, CANNONBALL!


Fred