September 28, 2007 5 Things that Induce Road Rage

After a little over a year of living in the city, I’ve increased my tolerance for bad drivers, and have learned to keep my road rage to a minimum. However, there are still a few things that really get to me every time they occur.

5) People who don’t use blinkers. I’m not really sure when in the evolution in driving using your blinker became an option. I probably sound like a soccer mom, but it’s for EVERYONE’S safety and use, not just your own. The best is when someone in front of you all of a sudden stops, and decides they want to parallel park. I don’t read minds, I leave that business to Miss Cleo. Due to the lack of reaction time you’ve left me, I get right up on your ass, and then that person gets pissed that I am preventing them from parking. Well buddy, the blinker would’ve been your ticket to pass go and collect $200, instead you get to go straight to jail.

4) People who text message or talk on a cell phone while driving. I’m not going to go into too much detail on this one (refer to the April 20th post), but every time I see it, I’m one step closer to buying large rubber bumpers and teaching you a lesson.

3) Unnecessary use of the horn. I’m a fairly impatient person when it comes to driving; however, I think it’s a little excessive to honk at someone .76 seconds after the light has turned green. It might just be a Boston/New York/northern thing, but still. I know when I was in North Carolina and Virginia, people would usually give you a 5-10 second grace period, which is what I try to give people, out of courtesy. But if you’re not John Force up here, you’re gonna get an earful. I’d really like a university to do a sociology study as to what the difference in average time between green light, not moving, and honking would be between different cities. That’s something I’d be interested in having my tax dollars go towards.

2) People in crosswalks. Sometimes I wish I were back in Europe. Pedestrians have no rights over there when it comes to walking on streets, as they shouldn’t. Too many people in America feel have a sense of entitlement so they feel they can just take their sweet time when crossing a street. If you have that green hand telling you it’s ok to walk, sure, take your time, but if there’s oncoming traffic, you better hustle buster. I know that when I see a 3500-pound steel beast capable of vaporizing a deer or demolishing the brick wall to a local Lil’ Peach coming at me, I put a little pep in my step. I hate to break it to you, you’re not as important as you think you are, so move.

1) Asian drivers. Yep, you’ve all experienced it before. And if you’re Asian and reading this, I don’t blame you, just your genes. I know it’s not fair to clump ALL Asian drivers into one category, as there are a few good Asian drivers out there (I’ve actually met a few, they do exist, I swear). But I hate to be the one to say it: some stereotypes are made for a reason. I avoid Asian drivers like the plague. If I see one driving on the street, it’s time to take my chances driving into oncoming traffic; I’d probably have a lowered chance of being involved in an accident that way.


Song of the Week: "Hateful" by The Clash.

Quote of the Week: “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.” – George W. Bush

Random Fact of the Week: The word “nerd” was first coined by Dr. Seuss in “If I Ran the Zoo.”

Picture of the Week: I’m sure there’s a legitimate story behind this picture, but it’s still one of my all-time favorites, mostly because of the cheesy Paint caption.

Until next week, You're the best! Around! Nothing's gonna ever keep you down.


Fred

September 21, 2007 Why People Hate America Pt: 4

I know I’ve touched upon media-related issues just about as many times as Arnold has molested women, but I couldn’t help myself on this one. "Oprah asks Justin about Britney."Is it just me, or does it seem that news is gravitating more towards entertainment. More and more stories are shifting from delivering us important information that affects us and the world around us, and more towards celebrity gossip (on that note, did anyone else hear that JT has a new girlfriend?!) and creating misleading headlines to drive viewer traffic. I made sure to click on the link and read to the story to gauge its relevance to American society and the world around us, if not at least to get some sort of entertainment at how ridiculous it would be. I can say with confidence: It had none. It wasn’t even amusing; he just answered that he hasn’t talked to her in years and that when he knew her she was a good person. Way to be PC about it pal, I was looking for a little dirt. I would’ve been more amused with a story covering Bobo, the blind mime (how the hell would he know where that wall is anyways?) Either way, the stories that the media are starting to focus on have become about as useful and relevant as male nipples.

Another reason for importance of legitimate news is to be able to hold intelligent and informed conversations with others. I’m not sure “Like, JT said some shit about Britney last night with Oprah,” really counts as an intelligent contribution to the well-being of others. Maybe it’s just me, but I think “Justin Timberlake announced yesterday whilst conversing with Oprah Winfrey that he had limited knowledge regarding the well-being of Britney Spears’s mental state. Sources have informed us that although JT “hit that,” he retains nothing but good-will towards the psychologically troubled ‘singer’.” would’ve worked a little better . . . again, maybe it’s just me.

Song of the Week: “Elaborama” by Every Time I Die. Oh yes . . . it's time to rock.

Quote of the Week: “Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.” – Ellen Goodman

Random Fact of the Week: Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet (2 m) away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

Picture of the Week: WHERE DO I GO?!

Until next week, don’t go chasing waterfalls.


Fred

September 14, 2007 What is the World Coming To?

This story has a couple different points I could tackle, so I made sure to steal a little Ritalin before writing it to prevent some ADD. In case you haven’t heard, a little 9 year-old girl wrote a note to a classmate saying she was going to kill her over a bag of chips and a zebra cake. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of Suzie Q’s, Ding-Dongs, Ho-Hos, and other assorted Hostess® brand products, but seven and a half times out of ten I wouldn’t threaten a life over it. This is basically what the note read:
“I have a gun and first I'm going to shoot you in the shoulder, then you're going to shoot me back with a bazooka, but you're gonna miss and then I'm going to shoot you back and kill you...”
10-15 years ago, yeah, that could slide. But not now, not in the post-9/11 era. Everyone’s at threat level red (what the hell does this even mean?) I mean, come on, sure the girl’s a little wacky, but obviously this girl lost all legitimate threat potential when she said her counterpart would shoot her back with a bazooka, AFTER she first shoots her in the shoulder. Has everyone forgotten about the size of the bags they wore in 2nd and 3rd grade? You’d be lucky if you could fit your GI Joe lunchbox in them, let alone a bazooka. It’d be a little conspicuous for her to walk through the door of the classroom with it. “Suzie, what do you have there?” “Oh nothing Ms. Smith, it’s just my inhaler.”

But apparently this little girl writing “threatening notes” is suspended. And what did the mother of the note-recipient say about it? She’s pulling her daughter out of that school and transferring her to another. What the hell has this world come to? People can’t take a little adversity anymore. I think instead of pulling her daughter out of the class she should be a good role model and sit down for a little mother-daughter bonding time to draft a retort to the first note. Could go a little something like this: “But when you shoot me back, the bullet will bounce off of me because I have super-powers, and then I’ll get my cabbage patch doll army to come over to your house when you’re asleep and attack you!”

And the “officials” are trying to figure out how to punish the girl that wrote the note. I can give you a little help with that: have her parents smack her around the house a little, tell her never to do it again, and then send her on her merry way.

Moral of the story: Hit your kids, they’ll turn out better that way.


Song of the Week: “Arizona” by Kings of Leon.

Quote of the Week: “Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.” - John Barrymore

Random Fact of the Week: Flying from London to New York by Concord, due to the time zones crossed, you can arrive 2 hours before you leave.

Picture of the Week: Poor taste ABC . . .



Until next week, it’s alright, cuz I’m saved by the bell.


Fred

September 7, 2007 Chivalry is Dead

There’s been a longstanding complaint by women that chivalry is dead, that guys have lost that “polite edge” that it takes to be a gentleman. Well you know what killed it? Feminism. All these strong independent women out there ruined it for you. Even though they make up roughly 5% of the actual female populous in America, they managed to ruin it for the other 95% of women that actually enjoy having men stand up on buses for them, hold doors open, and pay for dinners at restaurants. Let’s take a quick look back through history when minorities oppressed large majorities. I bet Nelson Mandela could throw in his two cents. I think it might be time for the silent majority of women to stand up and call out this group of outspoken rage-oholics.

I say chivalry is not dead; I think men are just confused. Do you want me to hold the door open for you out of general courtesy, or should I respect your almighty strength and admire your womanly roar. I don’t know, what SHOULD I do? Obviously Mel Gibson knows what women want, but I don’t. Could be roses, could be a hammer so you can break through that scenic glass ceiling of yours. Listen, if you want to be independent, I’ll GLADLY let you pay for your $40 entree. Just tell me. I’ll respect your wishes. All you need to do is communicate. No more of this sitting on the fence business, it’s leaving a weird indent in your butt, and yes, those jeans do make it look big, but please don’t castrate me.

Just like Bob Marley said: “Smoke two joints in the morning, smoke two joints at night.” Wait no, wrong anthem.
Take two: “Get up, stand up. Stand up for your rights!”

Song of the Week: “Something Worth Saving” by Tiger Bear Wolf.

Quote of the Week: “There’s no use in being a pessimist, it wouldn’t work anyway.” - Anonymous

Random Fact of the Week: George W. Bush is the first u.s. president to declare himself exempt from over 750 U.S. laws, sidestepping most of the bill of rights including the constitutional requirement that the president follow all laws. Yes, they mentioned it specifically to suppress tyranny

Picture of the Week: Probably the coolest ad ever

Until next week, take a bite out of crime.


Fred