February 1, 2008 Dope Slaps

Sometimes you want to give them, sometimes you get them. It’s the way the world works. If there’s one thing this world is lacking, it’s not food, it’s not money, it’s not Hello Kitty backpacks . . . it’s dope slaps. For those not familiar with what a “dope slap” is, I’ll lay it out for you in laymen’s terms. It is when you hit/are hit in the back of the head, in such a manner that the deliverer of the hit does so not hard enough to cause permanent physical or mental damage. Usually it is done with an open hand to the back of the head; when done right, it will cause the recipient a bout of shock, not due to the actual hit, but due to the loud noise and slight ringing of the ears it causes. The object is not to cause retardation, but to quell it.

Something I’ve noticed is a lack of these slaps in the world. Too many PC moms running around spouting off their ideals. But let’s all be honest here; sometimes people need a good slap to straighten them out. We all know someone that could’ve used one recently. There comes a time when words don’t solve problems . . . slaps do. Instead of war, we should just have slap fights. Just line up 10,000 volunteer “soldiers” on each side, and have them slap the shit out of each other. It can be a last man standing type of deal. Rules are, if you bleed, or cry, you’re automatically out. No closed fists though! I'd pay to see that, might be a good revenue generator for countries. Now everyone will be declaring war on each other. South Africa vs. Iceland. Imagine how dejected you’d be going home to your family, girlfriend, wife, friends, and having to tell them that you lost in the America vs. Uraguay Slap War . . . because you cried. I’ll bring over the divorce papers right away. I could support something like that. Thank YOU sir, may I have another.

Moral of the story: Respect your elders.


Song of the Week: “I’m So Glad I’m Living” by James Cotton

Quote of the Week: “Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.” - David Moulton

Random Fact of the Week: Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

Picture of the Week: If this bull was a dinosaur, it’d be named Tear-anus-aurus Rex.

Until next week, the cream always rises to the top,


Fred