December 21, 2007 Infomercials

Recent conversations have made me feel obligated to write about this common marketing technique: Infomercials ALWAYS make everyday tasks seems so difficult. Even the simplest tasks all of a sudden become the most time-intensive and frustrating events. “Having trouble brushing those teeth?! Our Brushomatic 2000 can save you time and energy by helping you get all of those hard to reach teeth!” And I know you can picture it. Sonny Simpleton sitting in the bathroom trying to brush his teeth and just looking like an epileptic dancing at a rave party, knocking teeth out and tearing up his gums. I think if our ancestors survived without some of this crap, I think we should be fine. I really enjoy watching the people in these infomercials too; they get so frustrated so easily. After about one or two failed attempts to cut a carrot with a “regular old dull” knife, they get pissed and throw stuff down in a fit of frustration. I just laugh. It’s like going to a cheesy horror movie. “Nope, don’t do that, you don’t want to do that! Don’t cut right . . . ooohhh, damn, totally missed the tomato.” Yep, you got served . . . you got served REAL good.

And then after they make it sound so easy to use, they make it sound even EASIER to pay for it! AWESOME! They’re so considerate. “For just 4 easy payments of your first-born, you can have this in the luxury of your own home.” They always have to put the word “easy” in there. Without that word, it just wouldn’t be the same. As if ordering this product would be any different than buying an appliance at some store. And they always make sure to throw in more and more free crap. “For a limited time, when you buy one, we’ll throw in a second one for free! Not because we care about our customers and want you to enjoy this ground-breaking product, but because the lease on our warehouse is up and we can get rid of this shit fast enough!”

Song of the Week: “The First Baptist Church of Jacksonville” by Evergreen Terrace

Quote of the Week: “Experience is something you get after you need it.” - unknown

Random Fact of the Week: Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.

Picture of the Week: Way to make an example of the guy (hint: look at what he’s wanted for).

Until next week, this is it . . . don’t get scared now.


Fred