January 16, 2009 Bird Strike

I really don’t like to poke fun at unfortunate situations. I’m sure it was pretty scary being in a plane when a pilot says, “Brace for impact.” I’m not gonna play the tough guy card, I’m sure I’d be screaming and running around looking for a female between the ages of 13-75 to get in one last good make out before taking the eternal nap.

But everyone survived . . . so let’s get to it.

Heat-seeking missiles. Surface to Air Missiles. Terrorists with knives. Electrical malfunctions. All things that have taken lives and downed aircraft. And now that daunting list becomes even longer with a new member to the club: Birds. We’re not talking any birds, these are STRIKING birds. Just as the pilot said, “We’ve experienced a bird strike and the engines have malfunctioned.” My question is: What the hell constitutes a bird strike? I mean, was it one rogue bird that was having a pretty shitty day and decided to end it all? Or are we talking a gaggle of geese that made a cold-blooded premeditated attack on our unsuspecting victims? I guess we’ll never know as our suspects were chopped up into fish food during the process.

You know what? I bet it was them damn “Al Qaeders” that trained those birds. Goddamn terrorist birds. Now we have one more thing to look out for. I bet they used Bald Eagles to perform the strike too. Turning the pride of America against us . . . bastards. You’d think these crazy airlines with their huge aeronautics contracts could devise a way of creating “engine grills” that go over the intake manifolds of these huge jet engines to prevent these multimillion dollar pieces of machinery from being brought down by birds. One would think. But then again, we can’t give people TOO much credit, we do live in a world where this is possible.

Oh yeah, one other thing.


Song of the Week: "Black Mags" by The Cool Kids. Chicago's finest

"Pennies" by The Cool Kids. Life's too short to have just one song of the week

Quote of the Week: “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.” - Bill Cosby

Random Fact of the Week: No president of the United States was an only child.

Picture of the Week: Hell, $10? I'd give you it fresh for free.

Until next week, keep the change ya filthy animal.


Fred