April 25, 2008 Girls with Boyfriends

I feel like this should be some sort of “ology” or sociology/psychology study: the immediate loss of interest of a male in a female when said female declares that she has a significant other.

Enjoy this video that was sent to me this morning: http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1812805
I pretty much agree with the guy’s reaction, though I’m nice enough to hang around and pretend to be interested in the conversation after you drop the bomb. Take note: I’m not interested (unless you speak Italian or rock climb AND snowboard/ski double blacks).


Song of the Week: “Rise Above” by Black Flag. It’s Friday . . . and it’s nice out. You know what this song makes you want to do . . . so go do it.

Quote of the Week: “Half of the people in the world are below average.” - Anonymous

Random Fact of the Week: The average CEO's salary in the US is 475 times greater than the average worker's salary.

Picture of the Week: So . . . ?


Until next week, these hips don’t lie,


Fred

April 18, 2008 Diversify Your Portfolio

Growing up you hear about the need to “diversify your portfolio.” You hit the real world, you start making some “benjamins,” and the draw to invest becomes more important. And then they hit you with the phrase, “You gotta diversify your portfolio to minimize risk.”

Keeping this information in mind . . . why do we not diversify our portfolio of friends? Instead we clump our “investments” into generally homogenous stocks (read: friends). I know my portfolio is 97.5% white people. Of those, another 75% of them are Catholic. I’m branching out about as much as the KKK (*Disclaimer: I have never been affiliated with or support this group . . . though I think their robes are hilarious. If the 15th century had a white trash relative, they would be it.)

What happens if one day an epidemic breaks out that Caucasians are most susceptible to? You’d have no friends left if you survived (disregard the fact that you’d probably be more concerned about your own survival and aftermath than making new friends, but that logic is erroneous). That’s why it’s important to branch out a little, minimize the “friend-fallout” risk by investing in a few different races. Accidentally make a black guy joke? No worries, you’ve still got some whities and Asians to fall back on. Did you comment on how horribly terrible Crasians are at driving while driving home . . . with an Asian friend in the car? Don’t fret, you’ve still got some WASPs and brothers waiting for you back at home. Wanna crank “Gasolina” in your car while cruising around with your windows down in the summer? Can’t do it with a bunch of crackers in the car . . . time to invest in some Hispanic amigos!

Now if only I could find someone to do my damn lawn . . .


Song of the Week: “Black Thunder” by Doomrider. Horrible name for a song, and even worse name for a band . . . the song still rocks though. I guarantee you’ll tap your feet along with this hard-charging rock tune.

Quote of the Week: “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.” - Douglas Adams
Random Fact of the Week: Coca-Cola translated to Chinese means, "To make mouth happy".

Picture of the Week: That’s a big hole . . . I wonder what other holes that big head has had to fit through . . .

Until next week, party on Wayne . . . party on Garth,


Fred

April 4, 2008 Excellent Time Killing Resource

You can just hate me later . . .

Yesterday a coworker sent me a link to a website; the article she referenced was a Court TV April Fools joke, which was pretty funny. However, I further explored said website and discovered a schmorgusborg of “Top-10” articles on a ton of random topics. Instead of even trying to sum up these articles, I’ll just let you explore on your own, with or without a teenage Shoshone Indian girl as your guide.

The article I’ve linked to was my personal favorite. If you have time/audio at work, definitely check them out. It’s borderline awkward . . . probably best described as a train wreck in process. Horrible, gruesome, you know what the outcome will be, you’ll probably have to be a good Samaritan and help crying kids and injured passengers, but you need to keep watching, hoping a Jerry Springer veteran will pop out of the audience and take a few swings.

Hello, McFly . . . anybody home?!

Runners-Up: Hollywood's 6 Favorite Offensive Stereotypes, 5 Ways Hollywood Tricks You Into Seeing Bad Movies, The 7 Ballsiest Sports Cheats Ever


Song of the Week: “Collagen Rock” by McLusky

Quote of the Week: "Owning a dog in a city is like saying: My need for companionship outweighs my distaste for picking up shit." - Demitri Martin

Random Fact of the Week: Mosquito's are attracted to the color blue twice as much as to any other color.

Picture of the Week: Fail.

Until next week, Gimme a whiskey, ginger ale on the side. And don't be stingy, baby,


Fred