April 18, 2008 Diversify Your Portfolio

Growing up you hear about the need to “diversify your portfolio.” You hit the real world, you start making some “benjamins,” and the draw to invest becomes more important. And then they hit you with the phrase, “You gotta diversify your portfolio to minimize risk.”

Keeping this information in mind . . . why do we not diversify our portfolio of friends? Instead we clump our “investments” into generally homogenous stocks (read: friends). I know my portfolio is 97.5% white people. Of those, another 75% of them are Catholic. I’m branching out about as much as the KKK (*Disclaimer: I have never been affiliated with or support this group . . . though I think their robes are hilarious. If the 15th century had a white trash relative, they would be it.)

What happens if one day an epidemic breaks out that Caucasians are most susceptible to? You’d have no friends left if you survived (disregard the fact that you’d probably be more concerned about your own survival and aftermath than making new friends, but that logic is erroneous). That’s why it’s important to branch out a little, minimize the “friend-fallout” risk by investing in a few different races. Accidentally make a black guy joke? No worries, you’ve still got some whities and Asians to fall back on. Did you comment on how horribly terrible Crasians are at driving while driving home . . . with an Asian friend in the car? Don’t fret, you’ve still got some WASPs and brothers waiting for you back at home. Wanna crank “Gasolina” in your car while cruising around with your windows down in the summer? Can’t do it with a bunch of crackers in the car . . . time to invest in some Hispanic amigos!

Now if only I could find someone to do my damn lawn . . .


Song of the Week: “Black Thunder” by Doomrider. Horrible name for a song, and even worse name for a band . . . the song still rocks though. I guarantee you’ll tap your feet along with this hard-charging rock tune.

Quote of the Week: “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.” - Douglas Adams
Random Fact of the Week: Coca-Cola translated to Chinese means, "To make mouth happy".

Picture of the Week: That’s a big hole . . . I wonder what other holes that big head has had to fit through . . .

Until next week, party on Wayne . . . party on Garth,


Fred