So something has been occurring on a semi-regular basis around here. It involves standing in line. Granted, line-standing varies significantly by each culture. On a recent trip to Austria, I would stand in line waiting for the chair lifts (ski trip). One thing is that there was no “line,” it was just people funneling to get onto the chairlifts. It was pretty much the most sophisticated form of organized madness I had seen since my days in China in ’89. I could look down and see another man’s ski between my legs. Granted, I enjoy intimate relations, but they usually don’t involve a complete stranger, my virgin ass, or a man; thanks for playing Gunther.
I’m a man that likes my space while in line. It’s all going to the same place, and me standing ass to crotch with you really isn’t going to make the service go any faster. However, what I’ve noticed out here is that the personal space I once enjoyed back home has disappeared quicker than Michael J. Fox’s vertical in Teen Wolf. I’m standing in line to get a late lunch, so there’s 3 people in front of me, and the place is wide open. So I appropriately walk up, and respect the guy in front of me, and give him about 2-3 feet of space. We stand for a minute or two, I order my sandwich, and two guys walk up behind me. No big deal right? You’re about as wrong as this lady. I think I could almost feel how many coins he had in his pocket when he stood behind me. I gave him the courtesy glance, signifying “Hey asshole, seriously?” I mean, come on, there’s practically no one in line, do you really need to get that close to me. As soon as I ordered I immediately removed myself from the line, and stood behind them. They shot me a few looks as if to say, “What are you doing?” As if I even needed to explain myself.
The next day I get in another line, in the same cafeteria in our building. I'm realizing that life is a serious of events, precluded by standing in a line of some sort. Again, not a lot of people are there. Another guy walks up, this time committing TWO serious faux-pas: he stands right behind me, leaving about 5-6 inches, AND he’s chatting on his cellular device at rather loud volumes. I was convinced he thought my ear was the actual microphone. If my ear could kick a man in the balls, it would’ve done it right then and there. Instead, I just decided to swallow my pride, and look like an idiot by standing in line with my finger in my ear. I was hoping he might get the hint . . . he didn’t. That sandwich was goddamn delicious though.
Song of the Week: “When I'm Small" by Charlie Everywhere
Quote of the Week: “Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.” - Unknown
Random Fact of the Week: Mexico and Iceland have the highest per capita consumption of Coca-Cola.
Picture of the Week: 60% of the time it works every time.
Until next week, Warning: Guests with health restrictions and mothers to be may wish to bypass the ride,
Fred
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