August 1, 2008: Public Transportation Etiquette

You know what really grinds my gears? Public transportation etiquette – or should I say the lack of. On any given day in the past 7 years that I have had the pleasure of taking the wonderful public transit system that is the MBTA and I am still completely baffled by the things some people do. So I’ve decided to give you all my “Fab 4” of etiquette pet peeves when taking public transportation:

1. Bag Etiquette: Here’s the deal, your bag doesn’t deserve it’s own seat. Sure it’s had just as hard of a day as you have, but when a train is starting to fill up the seats are better served for other people. Additionally, when a train is crowded take your 38lb backpack off your shoulders and put it at your feet – it takes up shit-loads of space, and makes getting up and down the aisle comparable to the limbo dance.
2. Entering and Exiting: Listen up on this one, because it’s important. The majority of my time on the train is during rush hour – meaning, the trains are crowded and the platforms are even more crowded. Wait for people to get off the train before you get on. While I’m convinced that many train conductors are evil, they don’t typically get off on slamming the door on a group of people’s face. Actually, this needs to be explained in better detail:
1. When exiting (or, when other’s are exiting):

1. Clear the doorways

2. Wait until the train has stopped moving to move towards the door – the train is going to wait.

2. When entering (or, when other’s are entering):

1. Clear the doorways, see a pattern here?

2. Give people who are getting off room to get off. That means, don’t make a should-to-shoulder half circle around the door. Remember what I said earlier, the train is going to wait!

3. Seating – for the elderly, not you: This one is a no-brainer. You’re a strapping young buck (or fawn?) stand up and let the hump-backed, feeble old man/woman or the person-of-any-age-who-is-missing-one-leg-and-two-arms sit down. Also included in this category: blind people (optional: verbally instruct them or help them to a seat – if you’re on a date, it’s guaranteed ass).
4. Cell Phones: Now, we’ve got them for a reason – accessibility – and it’s a good reason. Many times it’s completely acceptable to pick up your cell phone when in a public place (ie, the train) but here’s the thing, that microphone in the phone can hear you – you don’t need to shout. Keep your conversations at a normal conversation level, as if the person you’re talking to is right next to you. Rule of Thumb: when I’m listening to my iPod on the other end of the train and I can hear you talking about how, “you really wanted to (like) have sex with that guy but (like) you were (like) on your period and (like) couldn’t, but didn’t (like) want to tell him because it may (like) be (like) awkward, and you really hoped that he would (like) understand and (like) call you back, but (like) only if it’s (like) three days later because anything less is (like waaaaay) too clingy, but at the same time anything (like) more means he probably doesn’t (like) like you” you’re probably talking all little too loud.

Song of the Week: “Many Shades of Black” by The Raconteurs

Quote of the Week: “Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?” – Steve Wright

Random Fact of the Week: Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin Look-alike contest.

Picture of the Week: How appropriate

Until next week, POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser. POW-right in the kisser.....

reid (ummm, i mean, fred)