December 5, 2008 The Snuggie

Alright. We’re cutting the crap today. Straight to business. You may have all seen it by now. If you haven’t, then now you will. It’s the Snuggie. Watch the commercial. Seriously, right now. Watch it.

Marinate on that one for a bit.

Ok. Let’s jump in . . . are you F***ING kidding me?! I wrote earlier in life about how these As Seen On TV products always make life seem so much more difficult than it actually is. However, once you buy their product, everything will be so much easier. I just don’t know how I’ve managed to get by all these years without the Snuggie. I mean, reaching for those damn remotes and drinks and stuff? Jesus, it’s like my damn blanket is trying to keep me prisoner. I've had some serious issues as well with trying to work my remote, or read a book, with a blanket on. I think that's one of the more annoying/frustrating things in life. I might order it: 1) Paying bills when you know you're getting ripped off, 2) watching dirty politicians fast track this country down the tubes, 3) spinal tap twosies, and 4) my crazy ass blanket having a life of its own and preventing me from being a fully functional human being.

And last, but certainly not least: Wearing it to a sports event. I think the executives at Snuggie were huffing glue before, during, and after production of this commercial, because they were certainly about seven steps from reality. I would NEVER let my parents come watch me play a sport wearing one of those. Ever. That would be more embarrassing than pissing your pants in school in front of everyone. Speaking of school, maybe Papa Snuggie there in the video forgot what middle school was like. Seriously, what man in his right mind would show up at a sports event in one of those and NOT expect an ass-beating (and not of the prison shower room variety). Hey Tooley McToolstein, put on a damn sweatshirt if you're cold! You fail my friend. You fail BIG TIME.

I just can't wait to embarrass the shit out of my kids when I get older . . .

Song of the Week: “My Mind Playin Tricks on Me” by Geto Boys. The original Dirty South beats.
Quote of the Week: “Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal." Demetri Martin

Random Fact of the Week: The ears of a cricket are located on the front legs, just below the knee.

Picture of the Week: Tease.

Until next week, damn it feels good to be a gangster,


Fred