Friday, March 30, 2007

March 30, 2007 (Enter topic name)

Yesterday, Fred and (name #1) went to the (place) to buy a (noun). While they (verb)ed to the (place), (name #2 ) arrived and showed them his new (noun #2). It looked pretty interesting; Fred and (name #1) just had to use it. Now, this wasn't just any (noun #2), this one was ( adj.) and (adj.) and had a (noun). Fred guessed it probably cost (name #2) (#) pesos. But soon they got bored with the (noun #2), and decided it was time to drink.
"Let's play a drinking game," said (name #1).
"Yeah, let's play (verb) the (noun #3)."
"How the (exclamation) do you play that?!"
"Well, you see, basically what you do is (verb) every time the (noun #3) picks up a (noun)."

So after many hours, they played and played, only to have their motor skills slowly deteriorate whilst female passersby became increasingly attractive.
"I think it's time to head back before we do anything stupid," said Fred.
"NONSENSE!" (name #1) proclaimed, "we need to bring some girls back with us."
"Yeah, ok genius, and how are we going to do that?" asked (name #2)
"Easy, just tell them we have GOLD BARS!"

This went down in history as the single best pickup line to use on any girl at any time . . . ever.

Song of the Week: "Spitting Venom" by Modest Mouse

Quote of the Week: "Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly." -Batman costume warning label

Random Fact of the Week: A penguin with a 6-inch stride can run as fast as an average man

Picture of the Week:


Until next week, according to the surgeon general, consumption of alcoholic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery,


Fred



Oh yeah, and just an update, I saw that there was a tv program called "Anna Nicole: The Next Chapter" on 3/26 from 8:00pm-10:00pm . . . please refer to previously posted comments.

Friday, March 23, 2007

March 23, 2007 Equal Opportunity Employers

So I've spent a lot of my time looking for new jobs around the area, usually in between Scrubs viewings (Comedy Central, weekdays from 11am-12pm and 7pm-8pm, Thursday nights at 9:00pm on NBC, how's that for a plug?) All of the applications I've sent have been via the Internet. Now, after submitting my resume and all that jazz, almost every company puts a little disclaimer at the bottom that they are equal opportunity employers. Typical protocol, correct? That makes me feel warm and fuzzy when I lay in bed at night in my onesy (with the feet).

This in itself doesn't seem to be an issue. The kicker: after putting out their "cover our ass" statement, they then proceed to make me, and all other candidates, identify both race and gender. Granted, they do offer the option of "decline to identify," but I was a bit confused; if they are an EOE, then why do they need to know my race and gender BEFORE meeting me? Does that really change anything? Will that influence their interest in my skills, or the relevancy of said skills? So many questions, so little time (Barbara Walters and Michaela would be proud).

Either way I was a little perturbed that these companies make candidates identify themselves and use that information along with the actual pertinent information (i.e. stuff you've actually done at other companies!) to decide if you're appropriate. So the moral of the story remains: stand tall, stand proud, voices that care are crying out loud.

Song of the Week: "Dirty Harry" by Gorillaz

Quote of the Week: "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

Random Fact of the Week: It takes Pluto 25 years to receive as much solar energy as the Earth does in 1 minute

Picture of the Week:


Until next week, you don't always die from tobacco, sometimes you just lose a lung,

Fred

Friday, March 16, 2007

March 16, 2007 Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith's death is one of the biggest tragedies this nation has experienced in the past decade. Period. Everything she did for this country and the positive role model she became for boys and girls, all of those modern film classics to which she contributed. I want to publicly mourn this event and declare how sorely she will be missed . . .

I hope you caught onto the sarcasm by this point, if not, please NEVER read this blog again. Now I mean no disrespect to the death of another person, but holy shit people, with all of the news coverage, did anybody else realize that there was a war going on overseas? Or that Middle East peace talks have resumed? Or maybe that there was an assassination attempt on our VICE PRESIDENT?!

I hope I wasn't the only one that was shocked by how much coverage it received. They actually held specials on network television up until last week. She died on Feb. 8th. That's about one month of non-stop coverage for a woman that basically contributed nothing but gossip concerning her marriage to an oil tycoon 63 years older than herself, and some nude shots of herself. Either way, I thought it was atrocious how much time networks dedicated to this event. I am going to jump into "older-timer" land when I say this, but what has this country come to?

This has been a bit of a rant, so I will end it with this: the moral of the story seems to be, ladies pay attention, marry rich, or even Rich, take off your clothes and pose for some pictures, and then you too can become famous and land your own "hit" TV show.

Song of the Week: "Lazy Eye" by Silversun Pickups

Quote of the Week: "Potatoe" –Dan Quayle

Random Fact of the Week: On an average day, McDonald's "feeds" about 43 million people

Picture of the Week:


Until next week, look both ways before crossing the street,


Fred

Friday, March 9, 2007

March 9, 2007 Original Blog

To anyone reading this blog,

Yes, you read correctly; for anyone who was not originally involved, this is a throwback to early high school. On Fridays I briefly circulated a weekly letter of random facts and thoughts I had: "Fred's Fun Facts for Friday." Although this was short-lived, in light of recent events I've had an inordinate amount of time on my hands in which I've found myself involved in prolonged periods of both significant and completely meaningless monologues regarding various topics, along with watching just about every Scrubs and The Office episode ever produced.

My most recent thought was, why not share some of these with the educated world? Maybe you'll laugh at it, maybe it will spark debate, or perhaps it will just bore you. Either way, I'm bored, so you're just going to have to take one for the team.

I've decided to add a few "special features" in hopes of making it more interesting. This is what the new format will include:

Song of the Week
Quote of the Week
Random Fact of the Week
Picture of the Week

Until next week, don't run with scissors,


Fred